Numb

Unpredictably, his heart would occasionally beat fast

And during that time, he’d dissociate himself from everyone

Swiftly, he would close the curtains and lock his door

He’d sit in his chair and look at the stacks of books placed on his desk

Oh, how he wished he could live in those books

He wished for the life those characters thrived in

He’d stare at nothing as his nails would tap lightly against the rim of his teacup

His hair would be a dishevelled mess from the violent, rough grip his fingers would have had on them

He would then feel his eyes burning; the tears urging him to break down

To let it all out

Yet he never did

Not once

He’d push down the inner turmoil and blink away his tears

He’s wipe his runny nose with the back of his hand and close his eyes

His breathing would be ragged just like his irregular heartbeat

The feel of it practically ripping out of his chest; keeping him awake

Reminding him he was alive

He’d consume nothing but the distinctly dark and malty flavour of his tea

The shadows from the candles would portray him his nightmares against the wall

Constantly reminding him of his torment

His habitual frowned lips would tremble unconsciously

He’d allow them to quiver

A cascade of unwanted memories and feelings would wash over him and he’d forcible shutdown his mind

He’d grab a book from the pile and briskly flip through the pages; his vulnerable, watery eyes taking in each sentence

His shoulders would soon relax, his eyes would traverse in a cloudy trance faraway and his mind would be in a reality that he pined for everyday

He was in a state of reverie

He felt numb